Why am I torturing myself when the world is celebrating a new year? This was a question I asked myself on New Year’s Eve of 2019. Little did I know that I was also celebrating a fresh beginning, without being aware of it. The tortures that I was going through, would set me free for the pleasures of similar dimensions. I was in the middle of a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation course in Dublin at the beginning of 2020.
The year 2020 is gone now and collectively, it presented us with a bunch of ‘discomforts’ that made some go through a hell of a journey, while for some, it was remarkable. Personally, I consider myself grateful for the upgrade life presented to me in 2020.
Vipassana is an ancient Buddhist meditation technique that helps one see things as they are. During the 10-day course, I had to remain only with myself with little to no contact with the outside world, not even eye contact. I meditated for almost 9 hours a day and couldn’t sleep well at night. During those meditation hours, I would go on a roller-coaster journey of self-observation that made me experience all the light and dark that is there within me. That constant battle between the two fell apart when I just observed and didn’t react. The drama between light and dark of mind and body served me with some profound insights about my own self.
During the course, the participants had to abstain from killing, lying, stealing, intoxicants, and sexual activity in order to allow themselves to go through rigorous mental training. Not using my phone was the easiest bit, but observing complete silence was something I found difficult. The insights I gained there would remain with my whole system and would guide me to observe the highs and lows presented in 2020 without conveying my reaction to them. The knowledge I gained about my own self with Vipassana helped me make a lot of choices that were not driven by negative emotions and added value in my life and the lives of my loved ones.
Also read: Lost in Peru – Riding on the kindness of people.
When I switched on the phone after 10 days, I received a text from a friend about securing the Inca trail permits for the Machu Picchu. My childhood friend lived in New Zealand, and as we meet and travel every 3 years in different parts of the world, we already had put in some effort to make Peru happen. While we happened to have an amazing time in the Sacred Valley and the Amazon rain-forest; I had no clue that I’d meet a girl, cancel my flights, get ‘stuck’ because of the COVID-19 pandemic forced global lockdowns, finish money; and have an absolutely incredible time.
While being in the Peruvian Amazon, I participated in the Ayahuasca ceremony. Ayahuasca is a brew made from a few Amazonian medicinal plants and it’s considered a spiritual drink. While I couldn’t figure out much that time, I still find myself connecting the dots from the visions I’ve had during the ceremony. I still find it hard to express what I felt during the ceremonies, but I remember carrying a broad smile after the proceedings, just like everyone else. I felt a deeper sense of belonging in the universe that made me feel stupid for the self-restricting identities I’ve been carrying for long. The world beyond those identities was limitless and it set me free to vision the endless possibilities that are there in the world.
The diets I followed for Vipassana and Ayahuasca were almost similar and the insights also intervened I suppose. I wouldn’t like to decipher the nature of these practices, but I have been very grateful to see things objectively, like almost in a third-person narrative. Observing myself living my story without any preconceived notions was fun and made me feel like watching myself playing a video game. When I let loose my prejudiced judgments and insecurities about myself, I allowed myself to make fear-free decisions.
Also read: Pachamanca – Celebrating mother earth with the traditional food of the Andes.
Every now and then, many of my friends asked me if there were any wild animals or snakes. When I talked with my parents over a phone call, I could sense that it was freighting for them; to see me living in another country where I knew no one before, where no one spoke my language, where no one cooked familiar food, where there were very little to no ‘considered basic necessities’. They were also worried about me trusting other people and what-could-go-wrong situations. As much as I understand their perception, I also happened to see a lot of people having a lot of fears for a lot of different things. I think a fear surfaces on the outside of a person only when they have accumulated and stored all the necessary ingredients to fuel that fear in their mind, body, and soul. What fears one may not fear the other. While I wouldn’t want to force my view on the others, I, personally, did not want to restrict myself from taking a leap into the unknown thinking what could go wrong rather than following my instinct with a little faith.
To my surprise, the girl I was living with, was even more fear-free than I was; that helped me carry out a better version of myself. Living with her in the Sacred Valley of the Incas opened me up to this incredibly rich culture and learn their tricks and trade. One of the amazing things I figured out was the amount of patience I already had in me that I didn’t want to acknowledge before. I learned conversational Spanish while living with remote communities in the mountains of Peru. Engaging in conversations with locals in languages I never knew before, made me realize that the words and syllables only aid the communication, but the language of eyes and heart was the same everywhere.
Beyond that self-considered barrier of language, I found myself receiving ‘goodness’ from the strangers every now and then. Even though what we see on virtual media refers to the opposite, my experience in Peru strengthened that belief of mine that there is more ‘good’ in the world than the ‘bad’. There were many individuals who went out of their ways to let me in their vehicles, home, and hearts. When I reflect on the events now, I feel that one is only capable of receiving the kindness that he thinks he could receive, and what he thinks he could receive largely depends on what he is giving. I believe that there is this universal energy that works for one, only if he wants it to work for him. The goosebumps and jitters are signs. Energy never lies. If one is true to his heart, whatever he provides to the universe in the payments of his energy, would surely return to him.
Also read: Lost in Peru – Riding on the kindness of people.
‘El Amor es muy importante’, I said on a regular basis. I was rediscovering that, to love is very important; to myself, and to others. Doing ‘nothing’ in the mountains led me to dig a little deep in my own self, and I have discovered a lot of me that were distracted or lost in the last two years. All my complaints about scarcity of time seemed stupid and now, I prefer to be a little more aware of investing my time. I also had the opportunity to look beyond the brain and enter the dimensions of soul, emotions, and heart. Not that I didn’t know these existed in me all the time, but life in Peru helped me reflect a great deal.
Right from my first week in the Amazon, I also had the opportunity to be a little closer to nature. I think nature has all the answers we humans are searching for. Not that I chose in the beginning, but I had the opportunity to live a life that my grandparents used to live in the ’60s and ’70s, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for that. Working in the cornfields, bath in the rivers, eat simple yet fresh and organic food, use different plants as tea, shampoo cactus, sleep in the open, eat wild fruits that I still wouldn’t be able to recognize, use minimal electricity and gadgets, wander different terrains, gaze at a sky full of stars, learn to enjoy the silence; were some of the things I relished every day. Not that I didn’t have thoughts about the things that were going wrong, but my refuge in nature made me convey different reactions I suppose.
When I contemplated my life in Dublin, at times, I have felt the need to acquire material possessions in order to make myself feel good in my city life. Consumption of products and information made me feel good on a surface level and boosted my ego, while added no real contributions to my personal life. Things were a little different in the mountains. I, with the girl, have managed to live a very basic life for these 3 months. When we left Cusco, we had only three pairs of clothes combined. We lived in almost half a backpack worth of things, and never have we felt that we needed more. As there was hardly any internet, both of us happened to stay away from social media and doing things for a social media life. In those moments, posting a story on social media felt like missing out on a few important moments of life. Now, I feel super thankful for getting a chance to have a demo of a minimalist life with no actual need for superficial consumption.
As much as I relate to the life-altering events and loss for many during the last year, my life also turned upside down in 2020, but only for me to envision the whole. The breaking of a lot of my belief structures was difficult, but the freedom I found on the other side makes me want to break even more of them in the future. Moving on to 2021, another new year, I feel grateful for the past year for providing me the opportunities to dig deep into my being and providing significant understandings that broadened my vision a little. What I felt as ‘torture’ on the first day of 2020, became a threshold for me to have experiences beyond my discomforts. When I look beyond these comfort zones of mine, I can’t help but wonder at the limitless possibilities for more connections and new adventures. I not only wish you a happy new year but happy days for the future!
How has 2020 shaped you and your perspectives? Share your understandings and insights you gained in the comments below.
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its. amazing…brother and may be solo trawelling is the best ..bcz its made us. so mature ,stronger. and. learned. so many things m i rite??
It’s been great for me so far Pooja. I’ve started to like the unknown now. 🙌❤️
Amazing 👏👏👏
Superb👌👌👌
G8 adventure.……
Thank you very much 🙌❤️
Amazing work monil 👌
Reading this feels like its best to nurture yourself with nature 💯🤍
And Nothing is better than solo trips 😀
Thanks Simran. Correctly said. I’ve been fortunate for this to happen. 🙌❤️
Well done nice History brow .I believe I like to boy 🙏👌
Thanks Harish 🙌❤️
In world Nothing better then enjoying the Nature.
Indeed. I’m glad you relate. 🙌❤️
Great one Munna;):) cheers
Happy New year 🥂
Cheers Krishna. Happy days 🙌❤️
Extraordinary experience by extraordinary person. One can not even imagine to lost in amzon forest. But thts the thing which we can not forget till our last breath. Nice one bro..
Thanks Keval. You know I’m the same as you. 🙌 I actually felt that I was ‘found’ and not ‘lost’. 🙌❤️
I have never read anyone’s blog thoroughly before
The way you put together all your experience is incredible
Reading it through only I felt like I should book trip right away
I will keep you posted
Thanks for the insight
Thanks Milan. Let me know if I could be of any help. The place is amazing. 🙌❤️
This took me on a journey as if I was there with you experiencing what it it that you’re experiencing and it felt like reading a short but enlightening story book. It always feel great to read about your adventures and I hope that what life taught you there, you keep on sharing it to others like this.
I hope to keep living brother. Thanks. It’s been a crazy ride. 🙌❤️
This was insanely good! Those pictures 😍 Amazing brother 👍🏽
Thanks Milan 🙌❤️
Amazing experience…really inspiring as well..
Thanks Neeti 🙌❤️
We rediscover our lost selves in strenuous situations. Just when we think all is over, that’s when our life actually starts!! Great work there 😃
You have penned it perfectly Ali. That is so refreshing to hear. Thanks brother 🙌❤️
That journey inspired me to pack my bags and travel! The moment when you realise there is nothing to loose, you win it all! I know you for a long time now and also the way you video call me an shown me that valley, I can see that smile on your face as an achievement!
Last but lot the least Our trip is pending and let’s plan this year!
Sure thing man! You said it correctly. Let’s work it out. 🙌❤️
Wav lovely memories for you and beautiful place
Looking Simply super
I think you enjoyed a lot in this trip
We will plan again one day after pandemic if you not busy my friend
Thanks for sharing your memories
Regards
Soma
Cheers Soma. Hope you and the family are keeping well. See you later. 🙌❤️
I’m not fond of reading but reading about your experience is so inspiring and motivational, I remember checking on you every now and then when you’re in Peru and realising how happy you were when with your extended family..
A lot to learn from you and looking forward to learn about next chapter of your life (All the Best) !!
Thanks Vipin. I appreciate all the good energy from you, and I’m grateful for that.
P.S. I also learn from you bdw. 🙌❤️
You entered the unknown territories Knowingly but the unfornate global situation forced you to live in there. You came out so stronger knowing better of yourself. I have only One word for you is, “Bravo”!!
I always read your post back than and i loved reading this blog and i am so much hopeful to read more from you! Keep up the good work Bro!
Thank you very much Bro. Very heartening to hear from you. Cheers and happy days 🙌❤️
Thanks for taking me through a virtual tour of such an amazing experience of yours!
Thanks Manali 🤗🙌❤️
It seem like journey to self discovery is like no other trip one can take. 2020 was the year for me too to start working on some things I’ve been meaning to work on for a while, but always made excuses. And btw – I fully agree with your statement and I truly believe that there is more good in the world than there is bad. Take care Monil!
Thanks Anna. I’m glad you relate 🙌 Grateful 🙌❤️
Now I feel that , you have your life , you make it in your style. Its amazing. Constantly life want something new . and you find it.
Monil
you are amazing
Thank you sir 🙌❤️
This post has my heart and you said things very rightly!!!
Blessed that I got to read this and more importantly now, sometimes someone can inspire you to the level that it can possibly convert everything in real
Thanks much❤️👍
From
solo traveler before 2020 but nevertheless let’s move again☺️☺️
Lets move again 🙌 Thanks Shikha 🙌❤️
Even though I don’t like spending a lot of time reading but this one kept me engaged till the end. How beautifully you’ve summed up your 2020. ❤ good work man!
Thank you very much Saachi 🙌❤️
Love your story
It’s cool how you came to that conclusion after what you experienced on that journey
Yea, totally. It’s so cool to see this after experiencing. Thank you very much. 🙌❤️
♥
🙌❤️
Excellent my friend greetings and continues to enjoy life, this 2021 will be better, greetings and a scorching success in everything
Yo. Unity. Very important. 🙈🙌❤️
I feel like you were blessed. 2020 brought together two such deep, enriching experiences for you. It is a beautiful story that will inspire many people. Most people take many years to learn everything you have learned in one year. Thank you for telling us about your inner journey, as beautiful as your trip to Peru.
I couldn’t have been more grateful Veronika. I’m glad that you relate. I’m excited for what the future holds. Happy days to you, too. 🙌❤️